Weighing the Tradeoffs

I lived in Portland for a brief and wonderful year back in 2022. I had always liked the city and I figured it was time to try it out. If not now, then when?

There was so much that I loved about the Pacific Northwest. The greenery, the slower pace of life, the feeling of ease in my body when I was there. The orientation towards the outdoors, the art, the quirkiness of the city and its residents all gave me ongoing delight. Even after a year, I felt like there was still so much to explore.

And yet, and yet. At the end of the year I moved back to the Bay Area, where my parents still live. It’s not an uncommon story. I weighed the tradeoffs of staying or returning and I decided to be closer to my family. 

I use this framing a lot to help my clients make decisions. Instead of trying to figure out what is right or wrong, I ask them, “What are the tradeoffs?” When we step away from the dichotomy of good/bad or right/wrong, we can have a more nuanced exploration of what is important. Ambivalence is much more realistic than having 100% certainty. Only we can decide which tradeoffs are worth it to us.

Even after we go through this process, there’s no guarantee that it’ll turn out how we expect. Humans are terrible at predicting what will make us happy. So maybe decision-making is a combination of thinking through the different tradeoffs and then taking a leap of faith. Trusting in ourselves to deal with the outcome, reminding ourselves that (most) decisions don’t have to be forever. 

These days, I’ve mostly made peace with my decision to come back. I didn’t know how much I would miss Portland, or for how long. However, I know I feel warm and fuzzy when I can help my friends catsit or babysit, or when I swing by my parents’ house for a casual dinner. Being in close proximity to my loved ones allows me to show up for them in a deeper way. 

And yet, and yet. Every so often I still wonder what would have happened if I’d stayed. So who knows?

Take care,

Naomi

Announcements/Resources:

• I have openings in my caseload for new individual clients. Sliding scale & superbills available.

• Save the date! I’ve been invited back by Leadership Education for Asian Pacifics (LEAP) to facilitate a free community workshop on Wed May 21st on celebrating our cultural heritage.

• Click here to read past newsletters.

Some recent delights:

• I attended a free collage night at the Feminist Center for Creative Work down in LA. It’s a wonderful place and I highly recommend you to check it out if you’re close by.

• On a recent roadtrip, we stopped by the tiny town of Chugwater, WY. The mayor Josh was delighted to show us around.

• My almost 9-month old niece has recently started to crawl!!

My Soft Underbelly

“If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.”

-Tim Krieder

I’ve been thinking about vulnerability a lot lately. Unsurprisingly, this is something that comes up a lot with my clients. We often talk about “opening up” as if it were this singular linear process. You can either do it or you can’t. In reality, like most things, it’s multi-faceted, and ever-changing.

I don’t think of myself as a person who has a particularly hard time being vulnerable. I’m pretty open with my emotions and my life and I like to tell people how much they mean to me. Imagine my surprise when someone suggested I share my professional social media to my personal accounts and I felt an immediate aversion in my body. Oh no, absolutely not, crossover is not allowed. It took me another 6 months to summon up the courage to do so (hello, friends!). 

How humbling.

Letting ourselves be vulnerable exposes our soft underbellies. Even if there is no judgment or attack, the mere experience of being seen can be terrifying in and of itself. Knowing that, I have so much admiration for the ways in which people continue to be brave.

Listening to a loved one’s voice shake as they bring up an issue between us.

Witnessing my client say something out loud that they haven’t been able to admit before.

Despite how scary it is, I think there’s something in all of us that craves to be known.

How are you practicing or witnessing vulnerability in your life? How can we be kind to ourselves and each other, knowing that we are trying to do a hard thing?

Take care,

Naomi

Announcements/Resources:

• Save the date! I’ve been invited back by Leadership Education for Asian Pacifics (LEAP) to facilitate a free community workshop on Wed May 21st on celebrating our cultural heritage.

• I have openings in my caseload for new individual clients. Sliding scale & superbills available.

• If you, like me, are upset about what’s happening to our National Parks, use this form to send a pre-written message to your congressperson about the service staff cuts.

Some recent delights:

• I recently learned the neighborhood cat is named Rascal. He is a soft orange & white color like a creamsicle and Rascal is the perfect name for him.

• Magnolias are blooming!

• I stumbled on Mon Laferte (literally) back in 2019 and this song has been stuck in my head again. Her Tiny Desk is also delightful.

Finding My Quiet

Everybody who knows me personally knows I adore sleeping. A morning person, I am not.

But ever since I attended a meditation retreat last November, I have miraculously been able to make it down to the beach to watch the sunrise.

Living in a city (even if it’s on the outskirts) can be grating on me. I’ve been complaining to everybody about the noise but as it turns out, you CAN find quiet in San Francisco….at 7am by the ocean. The sound of the waves and the soft pinks in the sky settle something inside me. An hour of wandering by the beach makes me so much more ready to face the day.

I’m not there everyday but I feel proud that even when I fall off, I eventually find my way back to this habit. I think of consistency as a practice in resiliency rather than perfection. I don’t need to do all the right things everyday, but I do need to feel confident that I will return to my self-care.

What are the things that you need to face your day?

How can you cultivate more resiliency in the habits that bring you joy?

Take Care,

Naomi

PS: You may have noticed I am a bit more active lately. I'm currently in a chapter of evolution and growth so I am trying some new things. Moving forward, I plan to send out a newsletter twice a month to share updates, resources, delights, and other meaningful things. Thanks for being here so far. For more, you can also follow me on Instagram or LinkedIn.

Announcements/Resources:

• Save the date! I’ve been invited back by Leadership Education for Asian Pacifics (LEAP) to facilitate a free community workshop on Wed May 21st on celebrating our cultural heritage.

• I have openings in my caseload for new individual clients. Sliding scale & superbills available.

• If you’re in the LA area and have been affected by the fires, here are 2 different directories to connect with therapists offering pro bono services. Look here or here.

Some recent delights:

• My sister introduced me to this beautiful album and this song makes me want to cry.

• I saw these comics last week and I’m still thinking about them.

• Last night on the way home from yoga I ran into a wild skunk. Have you seen their cute bouncy gaits!? (Not my video)

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Originally mailed on 2/11/25