I lived in Portland for a brief and wonderful year back in 2022. I had always liked the city and I figured it was time to try it out. If not now, then when?
There was so much that I loved about the Pacific Northwest. The greenery, the slower pace of life, the feeling of ease in my body when I was there. The orientation towards the outdoors, the art, the quirkiness of the city and its residents all gave me ongoing delight. Even after a year, I felt like there was still so much to explore.
And yet, and yet. At the end of the year I moved back to the Bay Area, where my parents still live. It’s not an uncommon story. I weighed the tradeoffs of staying or returning and I decided to be closer to my family.
I use this framing a lot to help my clients make decisions. Instead of trying to figure out what is right or wrong, I ask them, “What are the tradeoffs?” When we step away from the dichotomy of good/bad or right/wrong, we can have a more nuanced exploration of what is important. Ambivalence is much more realistic than having 100% certainty. Only we can decide which tradeoffs are worth it to us.
Even after we go through this process, there’s no guarantee that it’ll turn out how we expect. Humans are terrible at predicting what will make us happy. So maybe decision-making is a combination of thinking through the different tradeoffs and then taking a leap of faith. Trusting in ourselves to deal with the outcome, reminding ourselves that (most) decisions don’t have to be forever.
These days, I’ve mostly made peace with my decision to come back. I didn’t know how much I would miss Portland, or for how long. However, I know I feel warm and fuzzy when I can help my friends catsit or babysit, or when I swing by my parents’ house for a casual dinner. Being in close proximity to my loved ones allows me to show up for them in a deeper way.
And yet, and yet. Every so often I still wonder what would have happened if I’d stayed. So who knows?
Take care,
Naomi
Announcements/Resources:
I have openings in my caseload for new individual clients. Sliding scale & superbills available.
Save the date! I’ve been invited back by Leadership Education for Asian Pacifics (LEAP) to facilitate a free community workshop on Wed May 21st on celebrating our cultural heritage.
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Some recent delights:
I attended a free collage night at the Feminist Center for Creative Work down in LA. It’s a wonderful place and I highly recommend you to check it out if you’re close by.
On a recent roadtrip, we stopped by the tiny town of Chugwater, WY. The mayor Josh was delighted to show us around.
My almost 9-month old niece has recently started to crawl!!