The Divine Circle

A person very dear to me is experiencing some broken-heartedness.

They are usually quite calm and practical and good-natured. They move through life very competently. It’s rare to see them not only in so much pain, but also willing to share it.

It feels good to be able to show up for them. This person has supported me through all of the hardest times of my life. Having the chance to return the favor is so fulfilling. Much to their surprise, I am not the only person who has expressed this sentiment to them.

When we show our soft underbellies, it not only benefits us but also the other person. It gives them a chance to participate in what Amoretta Morris calls “the divine circle of giving and receiving.” She goes on to say, “By not asking for help when you need it, you are blocking that flow.”

Vulnerability is hard. This comes up all the time in my sessions. We need good reasons to overcome the fear of opening up.

So, do it for you. Do it for the other person. Do it because it’s the only way to be seen. Do it to give others the chance to give. Do it because it feels good to receive. Do it to co-create the kind of world that you want to live in.

Announcements/Resources:

  • My practice is currently full and I am not accepting new clients.

Some recent delights:

  • I went to a yoga class at a music festival and it was so good I cried. We all held hands in Warrior 3 and I felt so stable and un-alone.

  • Cafes that have high quality teas and make it with the right temperature water, steeped for the correct amount of time.

High-Five

Side note: I am a LMFT (Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist), not an MHC-LP!

The other day as I was walking home I saw two people trying to cross the same crosswalk from opposite ends. One person on each side of the street, sticking their heads out past the parked cars, looking for an opening. Car after car sped by and they were waiting for longer than usual (for this neighborhood anyway).

Finally there was a break in traffic and they both began to walk. As they approached each other in the center of the road, one person threw up a hand.

The other person startled for a moment but quickly responded to this universal gesture.

I watched them hit a high five, laugh, and go on their separate ways.

It’s so nice to see people play.

What are some small silly ways that you play in your day-to-day life?

Take care,

Naomi

PS: My workshop is confirmed! In conjuction with Leadership Education of Asian Pacifics (LEAP), I’ll be facilitating a free online art therapy workshop next Wednesday 5/21 at 12pm PT. In honor of AANHPI Heritage Month, we’ll be celebrating our cultural values. Register here!

Announcements/Resources:

  • I will have an opening starting in June for a new individual client. Sliding scale & superbills available.

  • A recent New York Times podcast talked about The Secret Power of Siblings.

Some recent delights:

  • I’ve been remembering that backing out of plans is an option, especially when I am needing quiet time. Phew!

Spring Has Sprung!

Spring has sprung in New York!

I’m visiting for the first time in a long while and it’s so nice to be back. A lot of dear old friends to catch up with, a lot of yummy things to eat. This is a great chance to try out my new walking sandals too. 

I’m also appreciating the changing of the seasons. There is something really magical about that collective feeling of reawakening that comes along with the days getting longer. 

Is it so crazy to think that we as creatures are inevitably affected by the patterns of the natural world?

During the colder months it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing it will be that way forever. Whether it’s seasonal depression or something else, I get a lot of clients talking about how they have such low energy and motivation. Instead of beating ourselves up, maybe it’s ok for us to rest when our bodies need it. Maybe we can be less willful about forcing things to happen, knowing that Winter will pass. 

Continuing my practice of surrender, I am sitting with what is present. Right now that includes:

  • Feeling inspired and a lot of new ideas swirling around my brain

  • A rush of energy and excitement to put ideas into action

  • So much delight

  • The sunlight hitting the cute little backyard of this cafe 

It sure is easier to surrender to delight than discomfort. I know that this too will pass, but until then I’m savoring everything I can.

What are you sitting with this change of the seasons?

What are you allowing yourself to savor?

Take Care,

Naomi

Announcements/Resources:

  • I have one more opening in my caseload for new individual clients. Sliding scale & superbills available.

  • My event with LEAP on 5/21 is on hold - check back here or on my Instagram for updates.

Some recent delights:

  • I caught the last day of the orchid show at the New York Botannical Gardens, inspired by Mexican architect Luis Barragan. Check out the photos - the colors were a riot!

  • A friend generously invited me to see Kylie Minogue last week. I love spontaneous plans!

Recentering

I have been feeling a bit over-scheduled lately. Over-committed, over-socialized, over-stimulated, etc. I say this while also recognizing I do this to myself. (I promise complaining is not the point of this newsletter.)

One excitable part of me has a lot of interests and gets easily carried away. Another part of me craves quiet and freedom. They are not enemies, although sometimes they argue. The trick is helping them get along. 

When I notice myself getting off-balance, it’s time to change up what I’m doing. Lately I have put a moratorium on future commitments, I have blocked off some days for alone time, and I’ve tried to slow way down. Pull back, slow down, check in. What do I actually need in this moment?

I practice this kind of mindfulness a lot with my clients. I think of mindfulness as a state of mind that we move in and out of throughout our days. Being mindful helps us see what is actually happening inside and outside of us, without judgement. By slowing down and being more present, we give ourselves the opportunity to choose how we want to respond.

I also like to remind my clients that mindfulness is a RE-centering practice. If we assume that getting distracted or off-balance is normal and inevitable (which it is), then the work is in the coming back. Every time we call ourselves back to the present moment we can consider that a win, rather than a failure every time we wander away. Learning to cultivate resilience, instead of perfection. 

So I slow down and recenter. I come back to myself again, and I celebrate that as a success.

Take care,

Naomi

Announcements/Resources:

  • I have openings in my caseload for new individual clients. Sliding scale & superbills available.

  • I’ve been invited back by Leadership Education for Asian Pacifics (LEAP) to facilitate a free online community workshop on Wed May 21st on celebrating our cultural heritage. After April 16th you can sign up here.

Some recent delights:

  • When I was in Portland, we stumbled upon a Clown March in defense of Joy. Clowns! Everywhere!

  • If you’re into experimental, ambient, psychedelic rock, check out Darkside.

  • This weekend I co-hosted a creative share party where every attendee shared something that they made. We sampled custom cocktails, heard about various art projects, and watched somebody create a beat live. What delight!

Surrender

It’s been a funky month. Likely some combination of the disruption of travel, restlessness, loneliness, and other ingredients I might not even be aware of. A persistent aimlessness as if there’s something I should be doing, somewhere else I should be. 

It hasn’t been a very comfortable feeling. I think I had hoped that by now I would be all settled into San Francisco and working towards some long term goal. Well, I’m all settled in but I’m still not quite sure what I’m doing, exactly. What is this chapter of my life about? What is this all for?

I’m tired of being in transition. I miss having a big-picture vision and feeling like a part of something bigger than myself. I see my friends hitting traditional milestones and centering their lives around partners, kids, houses, corporate ladders, etc. I know those things aren’t right for me right now but I do envy their (supposed) certainty. I, too, would like to know what I’m building towards.

When I was journaling last week, I reflected that maybe the not knowing IS what this chapter is about. I keep wanting to rush through, to get past the discomfort and get to the REAL story. But what am I losing by discarding the in-between? Is there even a “real story” anyway, or is that just wishful thinking? What if I stopped trying so hard and just surrendered to the present moment?

Surrender doesn’t mean giving up. To me, it means accepting what already is. Despite my hopes and subconscious expectations, this is the state of my life right now. My life, despite being mine, has its own rhythm and flow. I know that if I just picked an arbitrary goal for the sake of having one, I wouldn’t be satisfied with that either. Why spend so much energy being willful?

So I practice letting go of the things I can’t control. I stop fighting myself and try to sit with the aimlessness. Hm yes, this is uncomfortable. At the same time, there is a certain relief in surrender. I don’t have to try so hard. I can focus that energy elsewhere, do the things I like and I know are good for me. I can rest and allow things to unfold. When I surrender in this way, I’m trusting that as long as I’m doing what I can, the right thing will emerge at the right time.

I just have to keep my eyes and heart open. 

Take care,

Naomi

Announcements/Resources:

  • I have openings in my caseload for new individual clients. Sliding scale & superbills available.

  • Save the date! I’ve been invited back by Leadership Education for Asian Pacifics (LEAP) to facilitate a free community workshop on Wed May 21st on celebrating our cultural heritage.

Some recent delights:

Weighing the Tradeoffs

Me in my happy place, hiking around Mt. Hood.

I lived in Portland for a brief and wonderful year back in 2022. I had always liked the city and I figured it was time to try it out. If not now, then when?

There was so much that I loved about the Pacific Northwest. The greenery, the slower pace of life, the feeling of ease in my body when I was there. The orientation towards the outdoors, the art, the quirkiness of the city and its residents all gave me ongoing delight. Even after a year, I felt like there was still so much to explore.

And yet, and yet. At the end of the year I moved back to the Bay Area, where my parents still live. It’s not an uncommon story. I weighed the tradeoffs of staying or returning and I decided to be closer to my family. 

I use this framing a lot to help my clients make decisions. Instead of trying to figure out what is right or wrong, I ask them, “What are the tradeoffs?” When we step away from the dichotomy of good/bad or right/wrong, we can have a more nuanced exploration of what is important. Ambivalence is much more realistic than having 100% certainty. Only we can decide which tradeoffs are worth it to us.

Even after we go through this process, there’s no guarantee that it’ll turn out how we expect. Humans are terrible at predicting what will make us happy. So maybe decision-making is a combination of thinking through the different tradeoffs and then taking a leap of faith. Trusting in ourselves to deal with the outcome, reminding ourselves that (most) decisions don’t have to be forever. 

These days, I’ve mostly made peace with my decision to come back. I didn’t know how much I would miss Portland, or for how long. However, I know I feel warm and fuzzy when I can help my friends catsit or babysit, or when I swing by my parents’ house for a casual dinner. Being in close proximity to my loved ones allows me to show up for them in a deeper way. 

And yet, and yet. Every so often I still wonder what would have happened if I’d stayed. So who knows?

Take care,

Naomi

Announcements/Resources:

  • I have openings in my caseload for new individual clients. Sliding scale & superbills available.

  • Save the date! I’ve been invited back by Leadership Education for Asian Pacifics (LEAP) to facilitate a free community workshop on Wed May 21st on celebrating our cultural heritage.

  • Click here to read past newsletters.

Some recent delights:

  • I attended a free collage night at the Feminist Center for Creative Work down in LA. It’s a wonderful place and I highly recommend you to check it out if you’re close by.

  • On a recent roadtrip, we stopped by the tiny town of Chugwater, WY. The mayor Josh was delighted to show us around.

  • My almost 9-month old niece has recently started to crawl!!

My Soft Underbelly

“If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.”

-Tim Krieder

I’ve been thinking about vulnerability a lot lately. Unsurprisingly, this is something that comes up a lot with my clients. We often talk about “opening up” as if it were this singular linear process. You can either do it or you can’t. In reality, like most things, it’s multi-faceted, and ever-changing.

I don’t think of myself as a person who has a particularly hard time being vulnerable. I’m pretty open with my emotions and my life and I like to tell people how much they mean to me. Imagine my surprise when someone suggested I share my professional social media to my personal accounts and I felt an immediate aversion in my body. Oh no, absolutely not, crossover is not allowed. It took me another 6 months to summon up the courage to do so (hello, friends!). 

How humbling.

Letting ourselves be vulnerable exposes our soft underbellies. Even if there is no judgment or attack, the mere experience of being seen can be terrifying in and of itself. Knowing that, I have so much admiration for the ways in which people continue to be brave.

Listening to a loved one’s voice shake as they bring up an issue between us.

Witnessing my client say something out loud that they haven’t been able to admit before.

Despite how scary it is, I think there’s something in all of us that craves to be known.

How are you practicing or witnessing vulnerability in your life? How can we be kind to ourselves and each other, knowing that we are trying to do a hard thing?

Take care,

Naomi

Announcements/Resources:

  • Save the date! I’ve been invited back by Leadership Education for Asian Pacifics (LEAP) to facilitate a free community workshop on Wed May 21st on celebrating our cultural heritage.

  • I have openings in my caseload for new individual clients. Sliding scale & superbills available.

  • If you, like me, are upset about what’s happening to our National Parks, use this form to send a pre-written message to your congressperson about the service staff cuts.

Some recent delights:

  • I recently learned the neighborhood cat is named Rascal. He is a soft orange & white color like a creamsicle and Rascal is the perfect name for him.

  • Magnolias are blooming!

  • I stumbled on Mon Laferte (literally) back in 2019 and this song has been stuck in my head again. Her Tiny Desk is also delightful.

Finding My Quiet

Everybody who knows me personally knows I adore sleeping. A morning person, I am not.

But ever since I attended a meditation retreat last November, I have miraculously been able to make it down to the beach to watch the sunrise.

Living in a city (even if it’s on the outskirts) can be grating on me. I’ve been complaining to everybody about the noise but as it turns out, you CAN find quiet in San Francisco….at 7am by the ocean. The sound of the waves and the soft pinks in the sky settle something inside me. An hour of wandering by the beach makes me so much more ready to face the day.

I’m not there everyday but I feel proud that even when I fall off, I eventually find my way back to this habit. I think of consistency as a practice in resiliency rather than perfection. I don’t need to do all the right things everyday, but I do need to feel confident that I will return to my self-care.

What are the things that you need to face your day?

How can you cultivate more resiliency in the habits that bring you joy?

Take Care,

Naomi

PS: You may have noticed I am a bit more active lately. I'm currently in a chapter of evolution and growth so I am trying some new things. Moving forward, I plan to send out a newsletter twice a month to share updates, resources, delights, and other meaningful things. Thanks for being here so far. For more, you can also follow me on Instagram or LinkedIn.

Announcements/Resources:

  • Save the date! I’ve been invited back by Leadership Education for Asian Pacifics (LEAP) to facilitate a free community workshop on Wed May 21st on celebrating our cultural heritage.

  • I have openings in my caseload for new individual clients. Sliding scale & superbills available.

  • If you’re in the LA area and have been affected by the fires, here are 2 different directories to connect with therapists offering pro bono services. Look here or here.

Some recent delights:

  • My sister introduced me to this beautiful album and this song makes me want to cry.

  • I saw these comics last week and I’m still thinking about them.

  • Last night on the way home from yoga I ran into a wild skunk. Have you seen their cute bouncy gaits!? (Not my video)

Originally mailed on 2/11/25